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20 septembre
Penis Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from Human Resources
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat, and a wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “Business trip or vacation?”
The woman turns, smiles and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.”
The man swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “What’s your business role at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she says. “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really,” he says. “What myths are those?”
“Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it’s men of Jewish decent.”
Suddenly, the women becomes very embarrassed and blushes. “I'm sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!”
“Tonto” the man says as he extends his hand. “Tonto Goldstein.”
11 juillet
| So Fat |
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!
Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!
Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!
Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!
Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.
Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"
Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.
| 14 juin Students use condoms to cheat in exams
By: Vinay Krishna Rastogi
April 1, 2005 Lucknow: Copycats in Uttar Pradesh have now devised a novel way of cheating.
Invigilators at Jai Narain Degree College found eight condoms hidden inside the underwear of a boy taking his BA-II examination in Jai Narain Degree College.
Chits with short answers, tips and formulae were neatly packed inside the condoms.
Another student had hidden away his notes inside the condoms and stacked them away in the folds of his pants. When asked who taught him the trick, he replied, “My girlfriend.”
His girlfriend’s reported advisor is a lady invigilator who had recently helped students of her college to copy so that they were not caught by flying squads.
Since the invigilators were not prepared to touch the condoms, the college sweeper was summoned for the job.
Another student was found hiding chits in a bandage on his leg. He had entered the examination hall limping.
At Eram College, a girl was found hiding her chits in what the invigilators called “an unmentionable place”. When the chits were recovered, she swallowed them A Quick Recipe for Making Moonshine The basic ingredients: - corn meal
- sugar
- water
- yeast
- malt
The basic process: Mix all ingredients together in a large container. After mixing, move the mixture, called "mash," into a still and leave it to ferment. How quickly this process occurs depends on the warmth of the mash. Heat the mash to the point of vaporization at 173 degrees. The mash will produce a clear liquid, often the color of dark beer. You must watch this process with careful attention. Trap vapor using a tube or coil. The vapor will be transferred into a second, empty container. The resulting condensation is the moonshine. It is then ready to drink or sell. Keep mash in container. It is now called "slop." Add more sugar, water, malt, and corn meal and repeat the process. Repeat the process up to eight times before replacing the mash. 2 juin
Enjoy the site, some pics are really good!!!
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